So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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