Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i wish my penis had a tongue
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
