i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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