he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
