okay pat passed out under dana's car
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
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