When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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