Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You pole danced in your parka.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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