so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
