Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
