My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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