if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
