1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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