What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
