I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
