you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
