I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
the condom got lost in my hair
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
