Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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