I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I touched a dick in church today
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
