my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
