I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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