why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
