I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Sext me about skeletons
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
