I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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