The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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