I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
