Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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