I think I am morally bankrupt
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
