so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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