hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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