I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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