my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
