My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
