Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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