MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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