Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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