I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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