Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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