How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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