Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
