maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
