I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
