...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
