Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
