When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
