I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
