So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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