before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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