I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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