Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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