Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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