I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
