I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize