I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's shark week go big or go home
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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