i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
