So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
