i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
