Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
