I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
