sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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