I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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