farters have to be the big spoon...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize