I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
