im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
