totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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