I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
