i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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