I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
