I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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