nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize