For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
