you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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