We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The air was thick with penises
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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