And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
