you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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