I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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