You're my little dorito
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
