Just cropdusted the office
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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