Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
