i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
