who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
