Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
