I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
