Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
