You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You need a sexual gate keeper
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
