I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
