Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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