Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
