is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
