you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The uberlube is also flammable
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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