3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
